My Any Time Wish List

Not that I expect anyone to buy me anything, but if you would like to this makes it easier.

• Gift card to Fashion Bug or Lane Bryant.
• "The Lake House" DVD
• "50 First Dates" DVD
  
• Need to Breath" the Heat" CD http://www.needtobreathe.net/

I think that is everything, if I think of more I will update this blog and let you know.

Forgiveness

Let me start by saying for the last year and a half I have had some trouble with forgiveness, especially with one person. Most of you know My Father and I do not have the best relationship, and about a year and a half ago he broke my trust for the fourth time in the same way in less than a year. After many promises of never going to do/say this again, and my forgiving this many times and starting over from scratch. I finding it very very hard to move past it this time and trust again. That is the biggest road block, TRUST, I just can't seem to trust him again. This makes me feel increasingly more guilty. As it says in Matthew 18:21-23 "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, 'I say not unto thee, Until seven times: Until seventy times seven.' " Why is this so hard for me? I want to forgive and forget and give us a new start but I am just unable to move on. Then I read in Luke 17:3 "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him." What if he has repented and you know it is only because he wants to sneak back into your life to try and control it or manipulate me? Not because he is truly sorry. I am a much happier woman when he is not around and when he drops by unannounced or follows me to the store just to "talk" I get super irritated and become very short with him, almost as if I can't control it. Ephesians 6:2-4 says " Honor your Father and your Mother"- this is the first commandment with a promise: " so that it may be well with you and you live long on earth." I have had this commandment hurled at me more times than I can count, as if this is the way it has to be period. But it goes on to say; "And Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" I had never heard this part of the passage until one day at church, I felt vindicated! This had never been told to me because it would not serve his purpose, to control and manipulate me. The last time he said this to me (about a week ago) I was able to respond with the last part of the passage and explain to him how I felt he had done exactly the opposite of what it said to do. Mark 11:25-26; "Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." This worries me a bit because I have not been able to forgive him for so long now.

So now I embark upon a journey of forgiveness and try to trust again. This is very hard for me, how do you trust someone who has broken that trust time and time again? How do you trust and respect someone who demands it? I was always told trust and respect are earned and you are not entitled to it, he seems to think he is entitled to it no matter what he has or has not done. I am not assuming this, he has told this to me on many occasions. Do I just go ahead and forgive, and start over again? What happens if this happens again? Why Lord do I have to be so forgiving? Can my heart take this again? Will I ever be able to be in the same room with him again and not feel like I want to scream at him how much I don't like being around him? How I wish he would just go away and never return. I don't want this to happen, but in that moment I do. I love my Father and it hurts me that I can't move past this and have a true Father Daughter relationship that I see my other girlfriends have with there Fathers. I know every family has their issues but more times than not I find myself saying, why can't my Dad be like that Dad? Loving not controlling, kind not manipulative, uplifting not neigh saying.

I know I'm putting my heart out on my sleeve, but how else would I get some help/advice without asking?

Simplicity in Tradition

I have always found the simplest things to be the most enjoyable.


For instance holidays, With me being a newlywed and having both family's so close I'm lucky. Now you may think that there is a internal fight as to who's parents get to see us for Christmas like you see in the movies, but that's not so. It has always been and will always be, we go to my Husbands parents a week before Christmas for a caroling party, then Christmas eve for family time, gifts and have salmon chowder. Christmas morning is for, us with waffles and sausage for breakfast. Christmas day is for my family usually with a huge family gathering and a pot luck. Then a few days latter we have dinner at My Grandfathers with the family again. This is our tradition and it works. No one feels slighted we get to spend this time for family, with all our family. That is one of the best parts of Christmas, family. I like our tradition, It makes the holiday season easy to plan.

Merry Christmas!

Bad News/ Good News

Many of you know that I was informed mid November that I would be getting laid off December 20th, due to company restructuring. In other words, "we have had a few really bad years and can no longer keep you on full time, but have a seasonal position available for you if your willing to take a pay cut."

This was like a stab in my chest. As you know we are a two income family. Now my pay checks did not buy much, but they bought all our food, paid the cable bill, and pay for health ins. Plus any household items we need. So I came home that day and immediately revised my resume and uploaded it to Monster jobs .com. After about a week of putting in 3 to 4 applications a day, I had not heard anything. I started to worry a little, then I got a call from a retailer that they wanted to have an interview. A little ray of hope. The interview went well, but they informed me two days later that they had hired some one else.

Now I started to really worry. What would happen, how would we buy food how would we manage. Sure I would file for unemployment but it would be about half of what I normally brought home. Things were going to be tight. Then I realized that Christmas was only four weeks away. How on Earth would we do this? I have a rather large family and we typically do homemade gifts. I have been working on them since the beginning of November, but was wondering how I was going to finish them. As you can see I was worrying about too much. I then began praying that God would take away my worries and pray that he will provide. I felt much better, I still fell that way.

On Saturday My District Manager called me an offered me a promotion. He said that they did not want to loose me and he had an Area Managers position available. He said that he has been very impressed with my work and knows that I wanted to move up, So he was going to only offer this position to me. Wow! Now all I have to do is sit down with him and another District Manager and discuss the position and other odds and ends. It is only a formality. I should know more by next week but it looks like I will not be getting laid off. This will be a full time year round job. Salary not hourly but it is a steady job. My point is how strong faith, and prayer will help you past any road block in life. It may not happen in the time you think it should but it will happen in God's time.

Just my take on things.

One more time!

For some reason my post has been turned around into a racial post. If you re-read my post I did not mention any thing about race at all. I could care less what race someone is. If Mr. Obama had been pink with purple polka dots so what. As I have thought about it over the last week my biggest concern WAS experience or lack there of. But apparently the American public think he is well capable of the job. I NOW say lets see where he will take us and go from there. I believe he will try to do great things, but it will not be easy. This country is such a mess now it could only take an act of God to fix it, and maybe just maybe Mr. Obama is that act. That is my final word on this subject!

Conflicting Tohughts 2

Because some of you have asked for clarification on my last post here it is.

I did not like or dislike Mr. Obama or Mr. McCain I was conflicted. I was unsure who I wanted to win. I would now consider myself an independent, neither left or right. Personally I believe everyone should be this way, then maybe we could all get along. Yes, I do not agree with some things either candidate brought to the table. McCain I believe would have kept digging at this hole we are in, thinking it was the only way out. Obama and his views on the family upset me. If you believe in God at all you would understand my reasoning, and I'm NOT going to get into that! Most people DON'T want to here it, and I don't want to argue! Nor do I want any one who reads this blog to argue. The Bible says to love one another.

The entire point of my previous blog was;

That I WAS discouraged about the outcome but, am NOW excited for President Elect Obama! That prayer and passages from the Bible helped me come to this realization.

Conflicting Thoughts

We have a new President!

I went to bed last night not too excited about this news. Some of you this may be a surprise. Up until seven years ago I would have voted with the Democrats, but I started to change, grow up a little. My beliefs have changed dramatically in the last seven years. I think it all started with the loss of my son Richard and the realization that a prayer had been answered. But that's another blog.

So when this race started almost two years ago, I really started to pay attention. I listened to all the speeches, all the adds, all the questions being asked and their answers. I think I listened too much because I began to stress out about it, as if I could really do anything about it. That is not my place, it's not your place either. When I woke up this morning I still felt unhappy about the outcome of this election. I then realized that I would be telling my daughter who had won. Megan has been very interested in this election and had formed very strong opinions for a ten year old. Opinions I did not have, I tried not to influence her in any way. But she did not like Obama at all. She may have gotten some ideas from her Grandfather who is very outwardly opinionated, and unfortunately in my eyes a racist. (How did I ever turn out so well?) So when she asked me this morning who had won, I was hesitant to tell her. When I did she reacted unexpectedly, at first she was shocked but then finally came to terms with the news. She then proclaimed with an adult spirit " Good for Him!" God bless this child, she knows how important this is and what it means for our country.

We talked about this during breakfast and on the way to school. After I had dropped her off at school I turned up the radio. I was listening to WPER a christian radio station. Of course they were also discussing the outcome of the election. They too were a little like me, discouraged but Excited. As I listened to the DJ's I began to understand why they were excited. They were reading scripture and encouraging people to not be upset. One thing they said that completely opened my eyes was, God knew who was going to win, God put that person in place for a reason, we need to trust God and know that he is sovereign. We also need to pray for President Elect Obama, pray for his protection, and that God can use him for what he already has in place.


So now as I write this blog, I too am excited! We need a change of pace, and if Mr. Obama can bring it then I say good for Him. I'm excited that this invisible racial line has been crossed. People have for years denied that it exists, but it has. Now maybe we can move past our sins of 150 years ago and truly be, One nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all.


Just remember, "Nothing in ALL creation could separate us from God's love. Through the blood of His son, Jesus"


Please pray for our New President and our country. Know that God has a divine plan and all we can do is keep close to him and trust him.